


when a person is very, very sad, they like sunsets

by cryystal_m00n



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Flowers, Fluff, Goth Changbin, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Pastel Felix, Suicidal Thoughts, boxer!felix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-02-09 18:57:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18644131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryystal_m00n/pseuds/cryystal_m00n
Summary: changbin's life isn't all pink and fairy dust. it's the opposite of it, with dark pasts and darker thoughts. he does have flowers, though. and with flowers comes in the pink which he looks for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so... i did a thing  
> i dont really know how long it will be or when ill update it, hopefully (dont quote me on that tho) soon  
> for now tho, enjoy the panicked gay that is changbin, my boy deserves all the smooches nd love  
> and yes, the title is from little prince. its my favorite book and the quote makes me cry

walking down the quiet street, changbin pulls his hood over his head, trying to hide himself from the few people walking around him. it is, after all, almost midnight, and no one really walks outside at these ungodly hours in his neighbourhood. he thanks the gods for it, not wanting to have anyone see the swollen bruises that linger on his face.

he winces when he remembers the sound of the fist making contact with his skin, the ugly sound of something cracking playing all over again in his head. he’s still not sure if it was his nose which broke again or the dude’s fingers. he really hopes it’s the latter.

changbin lifts his fingers to his nose, barely pressing on it, just to pull them away seconds after, face contorting at the sudden pain. definitely broken. the blood lingering on his fingers brings back the insults, the mocking laughter and the urge to cry. so with fast steps, almost running, he rushes home, ready to collapse on his bed and sleep the pain away.

with shaky hands, he manages to unlock the door, pushing it open just to peek inside. the apartment that he shares with hyunjin and jisung is swallowed by darkness, and to that, he lets out a relieved sigh. he doesn’t want to have his friends fret over him and his bruises again. changbin already bothered them last week when he came home with a few broken ribs.

he throws his shoes away, trying to keep quiet. the darkness embraces him as he moves through the apartment, feeling himself finally calm down. he falls on his bed, being careful as to not touch his nose any more.

with only the quiet sobs threatening to leave his mouth and his quick breathing surrounding him, he tries to fall asleep, to forget the uneasiness that settled deep in his stomach.

he sleeps for a whole day.

 

* * *

 

working in a flower shop, surrounded by all the pretty plants and occasional nice bumblebees, his old boss telling him stories about her grandchild is the best part of changbin’s days. and if he manages to write lyrics while watching over the way the flowers sway under the gentle wind which comes in through the open door, he considers it an even better day.

“and then, my little baby felix fell from the tree,” his boss chuckled, her gray hair falling in her eyes, “but that didn’t stop him from trying to befriend the pigeon.”

changbin laughed along, wearily eyeing the entrance to the flowershop. he knows it’s impossible for _them_ to know where he works, but that doesn’t stop him from feeling nervous at the thought of yoojoon and dongyul making their way inside his little safe space, cruel smiles on their faces and fists ready to hit him.

he hates being so weak, never good enough to fight back, strong enough to raise his fists back. ever since he was young, he’s been used as a punching bag. that’s all he’ll ever be good at, to endure the pain others inflict on him.

his thoughts get cut short by the bell ringing above the door, the sound of a deep laughter filling the room. changbin swears the flowers turned to the person who walked in, the closed buds roses opening slightly just to gawk at the beautiful flower that came in.

changbin knows him. he’s felix, his boss’ grandchild and the light which occasionally barges into his life, only to leave him blind and breathless. he’s also the reason for which changbin’s heart hurts too much, yet for which it heals, even if just for a moment.

he takes in the boy, his soft pink hair falling in place with each step, a white beret resting on top of his head. his outfit is just as soft and pretty as felix’s face, light washed jeans hiding his worked thighs, while the pinkest and most cuddly looking sweater swallows him whole. he looks perfect, and changbin only wishes to wrap him in a blanket and put tiny flowers in his hair, maybe kiss his freckles too.

he watches felix squat down to bury his face in the bunch of carnations he’s closest to. it’s almost as if he belongs with them, as if he should always be surrounded by flowers just as lovely as him.

of course, he doesn’t voice it. he always keeps his mouth shut around felix, too scared of embarrassing himself in front of the angel.

“ah, felix!” ms. lee says, throwing her hands up and moving past the counter to go and hug her grandson. she pinches his cheeks dearly, a big smile playing on her lips. “what are you doing here, honey? does your mom need new inspiration for her paintings? oh, maybe _you_ do, my little picasso!”

changbin can see the faint pink dusting felix’s cheeks, an embarrassed look on his face. he pushes his grandma lightly, not forceful enough to actually hurt her. changbin knows the actual strength the younger carries and he knows better than to get on his bad side.

“ma, stop embarrassing me,” he whines. the mere sound of the slightly pitched whine makes changbin melt. he really, _really_ wants to pinch his cheeks.

he’s staring, he knows he is, but he just can’t stop, not when felix looks so warm and pretty, the sunlight making him resemble an angel. changbin doesn’t even realize that the younger is calling his name, not until ms. lee snaps her fingers right next to his ear, making him jump. the old woman chuckles, not even an ounce sorry about scaring her favorite (and only) employee.

he turns his attention back on felix, apology on the tip of his tongue, but he loses all common sense when he notices felix’s smile. a smile addressed to him. changbin may die in that moment.

“can you make me bouquet as pretty as you, hyung?” felix asks, eyes wide and innocent, as if he didn’t just murder changbin with one line.

the brunette nods, words still processing in his brain. lee felix, the sunshine of his life, the reason the flowers grow, the only one who can fight someone and still look like an angel, called _him_ pretty.

he looks around, trying to find the most beautiful and unique flowers for felix. his eyes wander to the peonies, and before he knows it, he’s moving towards them, picking up the pink and white ones.

he quickly makes do of them, wrapping them in some simple lace to hold them together, a white bow, just as delicate as the flowers being the finishing touch. shyly, he turns them towards the younger, eyes cast down, afraid of felix not finding the flowers pretty enough.

he feels the bouquet being taken out of his hold, cold fingers touching his for a bit longer than normally accepted. his heart is beating too fast, blood running in his ears. he mumbles, almost too quiet for anyone to hear: “pretty and fragile, yet bold and out there… like you.”

felix smiles, changbin lifting his head barely in time to catch it. the younger gives him the money, more than a simple arrangement costs, and way more than what the son of the boss should pay, and with one more blinding smile, his dimple on full display, he turns around and leaves, a simple goodbye the only thing that stayed after him.

later, after he has come down from heaven and he is putting the money away, he notices a piece of paper between the stacks. frowning, he takes it out, opening the folded paper. his face pales, hand shooting up to his covered bruise. he was sure that he did a good job at applying foundation on it this morning, but the message on the note begs to differ.

 

_if someone touches you again, tell me. i don’t care where you are or if it’s the middle of the night. you call me, binnie._

 

and underneath the neat writing stood a phone number, followed by a simple heart. 

changbin doesn’t know what to say, too self conscious about the big purple bruise on his cheek to think of a proper way to react. he feels, however, ms. lee hand on his shoulder as she passes by him, moving to the door which leads to her garden.

“trust my boy, changbin,” she says.

and then he is alone, no one around him to see the way his bottom lip quivers, fingers tightening around the paper. he may be just fine, after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is all fluff so appreciate it while it lasts, pals

he hides around the corner, hoping that he can remain invisible for at least five minutes. changbin holds his breath, feeling like an animal being hunted down by a predator. well, two predators. he’s only at the bottom of the food chain, after all. 

weekdays are what he despises the most about his life. he hates that he has to see yoojoon and dongyul’s faces in his english classes, that he’s too scared to show up there alone and has to drag jisung with him, but above everything else he hates that he’s alone for most of the days, until he can finally run to the flower shop. 

his heart is beating fast, faster than it should be beating in a normal situation, but after all, there is nothing normal about running from two boys who have threatened to leave you unconscious from the moment they laid eyes on him. 

it’s moments like these that he wishes his father had finished his job with him. 

it’s moments like these that he wishes— 

a tap on his shoulder startles him. the brunette takes a deep breath before turning around. 

there stands felix, beautiful felix with constellations across his skin and universes in his eyes. felix, who’s smiling broadly at changbin, unaware of the conflict and pain inside the older. felix, who makes changbin try and smile back, even if he knows it comes out strained and doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“hello, binnie!” he says, and changbin swears that his smile gets bigger. “may i walk you… to wherever you’re headed?” 

changbin stares at him, while weighing his options. he can go with felix, which would make him feel safe or go home alone, praying that he’s fast enough to escape them. 

he agrees before he finishes thinking of the cons. 

he may be whipped, but he is sure angel choirs begin singing when felix smiles. 

the younger wastes no time, he wraps his arm around changbin’s waist, pulling him closer, so close that changbin can pick up the faint smell of laundry detergent and berries. 

it brings comfort to him, in a strange way. still he pulls away, just a little bit, to not anger felix. he doesn’t seem bothered by it, leaning in to take changbin’s bag and throw it over his own shoulder. 

changbin knows he’s blushing, he can feel himself growing hot under his long sleeved shirt, but he can’t risk seeming awkward around felix. 

“i can hold that, you know?” he mutters, pouting slightly at the ground. 

felix only hums back, his hand squeezing changbin’s side lightly. “hyung is already so tiny! if he’ll get a hunch, he will be almost as tall as a pixie!” 

it takes a moment for him to process it, but after the information finally reaches his brain, he punches felix’s side, the hit no harsher than a tap. his whines cover the younger’s laughter. but even while he’s pretending to be hurt by felix’s words, his ears can only focus on the angelic sounds beside him. 

it’s surreal, how only the briefest chuckles can make his heart beat faster. 

it’s surreal and it scares him. it scares him to death. 

“you know, we’ve been walking around mindlessly, but where are you going?” he hears felix ask. 

“your grandma’s shop.”

felix frowns, side eyeing him. “you work today? i don’t remember ma mentioning you’re working today.”

and god, how changbin wishes he wasn’t his boss’ grandson. “i… don’t?” 

the blond shakes his head, changbin watching mesmerized as his hair falls in his eyes, before felix pushes it back with his empty hand. “nope,” he says, popping the  _ p  _ like a bubblegum balloon. 

“are you sure i don’t work today? it’s wednesday, right?” 

felix stops dead in his track, turning sharply to look at changbin. “it’s thursday. are you sure you’re ok, hyung?”

changbin nods, pushing felix forward, not forcefully enough to get him to move. “i’m just tired, felix. that’s all.”

the younger lets his arm fall from its place around changbin’s waist, moving instead to hold his hand, as he pulls the brunette after him. changbin can feel his clammy hand covering felix’s smaller one. felix doesn’t seem to notice the internal screaming going on in the elder’s head. 

“i’m taking you to a cafe! and you can’t say no!” 

he feels himself nodding along without much thought. changbin wonders if felix would push him away if he were to find out about his crush. he wonders if felix would be disgusted by his past, by his present and uncertain future. he wonders if felix would like the real him. 

“do you like cats?” felix asks, breaking his chain of thought. 

“i guess. i don’t mind them,” he says as he looks briefly over his shoulder. no one is after them. he breathes in relief. 

on the way to the cafe, he listens to felix ramble about his friend and his cats. from what changbin can gather, the younger is extremely fond of cactus, but the brunette isn’t sure if that’s an actual cat or if felix likes cacti. he doesn’t question it. 

he doesn’t question anything about felix. 

he trusts him. and for once, he’s not scared of putting his trust in someone again. 

it’s the sound of a dainty bell that signals their arrival to the cafe, the faint  _ ding  _ making changbin finally look up from the ground. it’s stunning, everything around him is… fairy like, like a scene from a mystic world. 

the lights, dimmed, give off an intimate vibe; above each table are strands over strands of fairy lights, from the usual christmas lights to cat-shaped ones. everywhere he looks, changbin can see cats. or cat related things, from those scratching pillars, to random beds on the walls, on which sleepy cats rest. 

the soft music in the background mixes with the purring coming from the felines, but yet again, changbin can only focus on the giggles escaping felix. felix who… disappeared from his side. 

he looks around alarmed, worried about the younger’s whereabouts, only to find him surrounded by cats, a few meters away. he’s basically drowning in them, but felix doesn’t seem to mind it. he seems at home, really. 

“felix, stop trying to become a cat!” someone yells over the music and the laughter. 

“i’m already a cat, minho-hyung!” felix says, making the person laugh. 

and really, changbin thinks, he  _ is.  _ felix is the epitome of a cat, all cuddly and soft, yet deadly in some situations. it makes changbin blush, just the idea of calling the younger a kitten, of being able to pet him and kiss his nose. 

he thanks the gods for the bad lighting, or else he is sure that the younger would've caught on to it; his bright red cheeks are hard to miss.

it's barely seconds later when felix stands up, his white dungarees covered in black, brown, orange fur, arms still full of kittens, that he finally looks away from the younger. he can’t help it. anytime felix is in the room, or in close proximity to him, it’s as if his eyes find him without his knowledge. felix attracts changbin, in every sense of the word. 

felix is the lightbulb, and he is merely the fly that tries to get to close to the blinding light, before dying when finally touching him. felix is the sun, and changbin is poor icarus, willing to die just for a second near the burning star.

felix snaps his fingers right next to his ear, making him jump in surprise. “what do you want to eat, hyung?”

without much thought, he says: “you--” before coughing to hide his mistakes. “yogurt? frozen.” another cough. “frozen yogurt.”

the blond looks around the cafe, before smiling sadly at changbin. “minho-hyung doesn’t have any, do you want to go and get some?”

“no!” changbin shouts, too quickly, too loudly. “this is fine. cats are… wow,” he says, eyeing the little black kitten that purrs as it wraps itself around his legs. “what is it… doing?”

from behind the counter, minho laughs, handing a few treats to him. “she wants food. but dolores is also marking her territory so enjoy being a dad now, man.”

still reluctant, changbin squats down, the kitty rushing to him as she sniffs around happily. once she finds the source of the smell, she taps his hand gently, until changbin holds it open for her. he never was that fond of cats, but he thinks that this one-- dolores, his mind supplies-- isn’t that bad. she certainly is cute. 

“not as cute as lixie,” he murmurs to her, but she’s too busy munching on her treats to care. 

“well, lover boy,  _ lixie  _ is over there at the table, so go stay with your boyfriend and stop blocking the way,” he hears minho say above him. 

with red cheeks, changbin walks over to felix, dolores trailing behind him with a happy skip. 

the smile he gets from minho when their eyes meet, is all he needs to know that he is fucked.

 

* * *

 

later that day, when felix is walking him home, still talking animatedly about the anime he started telling changbin about an hour ago (something about volleyball gays and crows, cats and other animals, which frankly, changbin didn’t know they can play volleyball), it’s changbin that, shyly and unusure slips his hand into felix’s. 

and seconds later after felix stops from his rant about how oikawa is a god tier character, he smiles at changbin, squeezing his hand for a moment, before launching back into his speech. 

and changbin can only give him his full and undivided attention, his worries slowly leaving his mind, until it is full of felix and only him. 


	3. Chapter 3

felix stares at him, the moment he opens the door. he stares and stares, eyes focused on the blooming bruise on his cheek. changbing fiddles with his sleeves, pulling down on the black hoodie to occupy his his hands with something. he didn’t mean to come to felix today, but the whole day took a turn for the worse when yojoon and dongyul appeared out of thin air in front of him. 

he barely managed to run from them, and thanks to some miracle, he so happened to be near felix’s home. it was only a matter of running while trying not to break any more of his ribs and organs, and praying that he was fast enough. 

he was. which is why the literal sunshine is watching him with a deathly look in his eyes right now, as if he’s weighing the cons and pros of whatever scheme he’s planning. 

with a calm, yet icy voice, he says, “who did that?”

changbin knows that the situation is uncalled for, that his lip is bleeding and that it hurts when he takes a breath, but seeing felix like this, felix who is usually so,  _ so  _ soft and loving when around changbin, felix who not even once did something as glaring or raising his voice at the elder, turn into such a fearsome person… blood rushes down to his groin, and he has to imagine jisung naked to get rid of the almost-boner bothering him. 

“just… no one, it doesn’t matter, lixie. can i come inside?”

felix moves aside, his arm wrapping around changbin’s waist for support. the brunet wants to laugh. just a moment ago, felix was ready to fight and maybe kill, but now, now he was back to his caring self, hands, gaze, being, all having turned back. 

“i’m not dying, lix.”

“you’re not, but someone will.”

he stops in the middle of the room, eyes wide as he looks at felix. “what?!”

“i mean… if you’ll give me the name that is. i won’t go around and kill some innocent dude or dudette!” he defends himself, his hold on changbin loosening for a moment as his hands shoot up. it’s so fucking adorable, that changbin ignores the part where felix just admitted to wanting to commit a murder in favor of leaning in and pinching his cheeks. 

the blond’s pout only deepens, which makes it even harder for changbin to contain the urge to squish the younger to his chest and maybe succeed in puncturing one of his lungs, if not both. he wouldn’t hold it against felix if he got a bit too excited when hugging him. after all, he would also hold onto him for dear life if felix were to hug him. 

felix just ducks his head and pulls the elder to the couch, pushing him down gently. “i’ll take care of your wounds, and if you want to, you can tell me who did this. but you don’t have to, i understand if you won’t.”

“i don’t want you to fight my battles for me, lix,” changbin sighs, resting his head against the back of the couch. there are flowers painted on the ceiling, flowers that mean eternal love and adoration. 

“but you won’t fight them yourself, either, changbin!” he argues, voice raising just a bit, before going back to its original deepness. 

“can we just pretend this hasn’t happened?”

he can see something hold felix back from agreeing, but after a second, he nods. “ok. but i still need to clean your wounds.”

changbin just turns his head to give him better access. 

 

* * *

 

jisung pushes a single strawberry muffin across the table in his direction. he doesn’t say anything as he does it, but the glare changbin gets from his friend is enough of an indication that there is no room for an argument when it comes to eating the dessert. so, he peels the paper back and bites on it, holding eye-contact with jisung until he rolls his eyes and mutters something about changbin being a weirdo.

“where did you even get this?” he asks, tossing the cat covered paper at jisung. he misses by at least a meter, but it’s the thought that counts. 

“got it from this cat cafe or bakery thingy."

changbin blinks at him, “i can’t believe you.”

“what?!”

“you really went to minho’s place without me!”

jisung stops from munching on his own muffin and gives him a shocked look. “you know minho? do… do you like him?”

“ew, no! he’s probably covered in cat piss, gross!” he knows he’s childish and honestly, if he wasn’t already smitten for felix he would’ve probably had a crush on the cafe owner, but he can’t let jisung know this. not when he’s clearly into minho.

“then why are you mad?” jisung whines, dragging the last word until changbin hits him under the table. he stops with a pained yelp. 

“because i could’ve met with lixie and got rid of your stupid ass.”

“hey, we’ve agreed all three of us share one brain cell and that hyunjin has it most of the time, so technically, you’re as dumb as me.” he pouts at the elder, making sure to give him the extra puppy-eyes eyes he’s usually only using in extreme situations. 

“at least i don’t look like a squirrel,” changbin shoots back.   


“at least i’m not short,” jisung says, dead serious. 

changbin gasps, and launches himself across the table to choke the younger with his bare hands. 

they don’t even realize when hyunjin comes in, loudly speaking with someone about how annoying living with two idiots is. they don’t even realize when hyunjin points at them with an almost pained expression. 

it’s only changbin who stops his attack when he hears the deep laugh he’s come to love, the same laugh that follows him everywhere, from the flower shop, to his dreams. his expression shits to a flustered one as he turns around, jisung’s neck still in his hands, the elder struggling to breathe, only to be greeted with one smiling felix. 

the brunet quickly pushes himself off of jisung, sending him back and almost making him fall on his ass, and stands up. felix hasn’t stopped smiling once, while watching the elder agitate himself trying to regain his posture and not make it seem as if he was just taking part in a murder. 

“i may be into choking, man, but i’m not into  _ you  _ to let your short ass choke me,” jisung says, plopping back down on the chair and going back to his forgotten muffin. 

changbin promptly ignores him, choosing instead to focus on felix. “why… are you here, lixie?”

“you don’t want me here?”

“no! i mean, yes! i mean, no wait! i  _ do  _ want you here!”

“you’re so fucking cute, what the fuck?” felix seems almost exasperated and had changbin not find it precious, he would’ve felt bad. it makes both jisung and hyunjin gag, but neither make a move to actually leave the kitchen and go back to their own rooms. 

“are you going to do anything about it?” changbin challenges. his eyes widen when the younger slips his boxing gloves over his hands and takes the position which he assumes is for fighting. 

“i’ll kick your short ass!”

“with those tiny hands?”

“at least i’m taller!”

“at least i don’t have fairy hands!”

jisung whispers to hyunjin, “is this… is this like a lovers’ quarrel or something, jinnie?”

hyunjin snatches the changbin’s muffin and bites on it, talking around the crumbs falling down his chin, “i think it’s foreplay, jiji.”

the brunet glares at friends, grabs felix’s wrist, and pulls him towards his room, making sure to slam the door loud enough to send a clear message that he’s mad. before he can even take a seat to cool down and to have the blush spreading across his cheeks go away, felix lifts his hand up, holding it right next to his. 

if changbin wanted to, he could probably cover the younger’s fist with his hand. it’s so sweet, how felix’s pout finds its way on the boy’s face again, how his shoulders deflate. changbin does what anyone would, when seeing how sad felix got: he pulls his hand down until it seems like felix’s is the one larger. 

the small gesture makes the blond grin, throwing his whole weight into the elder’s arms, not even caring about how changbin falls down on his bed, felix on top of him. the boy just snuggles against the brunet’s chest. 

it’s silent, safe for their breathing, but neither of them hates it. the comfortable silence that settles between them gives solace to their souls, so much so that changbin doesn’t realize he’d fallen asleep until he can feel felix squirm on top of him. 

when he opens his eyes, felix is staring at his lips, and it takes everything in changbin not to lean in and press their lips together. god knows he’s been wanting to do it for months now, but he can’t afford to lose a friendship over a dumb crush that can pass with time. 

“the sun is setting, binnie… can we watch it?”

“we won’t be able to see much, lix,” he says, but he still pushes him off gently so that he can stand. he holds his hand out for felix, and so, hand in hand, they walk out of the room, to the living room, which, changbin thinks, has the best view of the sun. sure, they won’t be able to see it disappear properly, but if the manage to catch the change of hues in the sky, changbin will be happy. 

he sits on the hard floor, the younger sitting behind him and wrapping his arms around changbin’s middle, pulling him back until he’s fully resting on felix. 

“is this another jab at my height, pixie?”

felix just giggles and points to a certain part in the sky, where the pink and oranges were turning into deep purples. “we’re kinda like that, you know?” changbin hums, hands resting on top of felix’s, and so, the blond continues, “we clash into each other, but in the end, we end up creating something beautiful, you know?”

“our friendship.”

felix puts his chin on the elder’s shoulder, humming along to the music coming from jisung’s room. 

“you know… they say people who like sunsets are sad. since darkness takes over, and the world falls asleep, they’re left alone once more. but despite this, despite what one might think, at night no one is alone. at night, the moon is just as lonely as everyone else, and it, too, finds comfort in the few people who spend their time with it. so tell me lixie… are you one of those people? are you sad?” the too is left unspoken, but they both know it’s there. 

felix looks at him, truly does, and simply says, “i used to. but then you came into my life, hyung. and now, even when i do feel sad, just your smile alone can make me feel at least a bit better.”

and so changbin wastes no time. he kisses felix, while the shades in the sky collide and create something beautiful, while they crash together as well, their bodies melting into each other, creating something just as heavenly. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first and foremost, happy bday to the babiest boy to ever live :(((((( you'll never read this, changbin (pls god dont let him read this) so wont see this but i love you and i wish u the best :((  
> second, the second scene in this chapter may be triggering to some. so if you're triggered by banging, being told that you're useless, or abuse pls just skip it or be very careful when reading it!!!!  
> third, this is the actual end of the story so i guess we can all just yeet this out the window forever now. on a serious note tho, if you read this or left kudos or commented on this fic, i love you and i want you to know that i appreciate u a lot and any sort of support meant the world to me :(( <333

changbin may as well take the award and title for the clingiest person known to live with how sad he gets whenever felix has to live, or when he, himself, has to leave. if it were after him, he’d spend the rest of his time with the younger, but he also knows that would be unhealthy. 

he never intended to get this close to anyone, but felix, it seemed, had his ways of making changbin break the promises he had made with himself. 

this may be the first time changbin has found himself so deeply enamoured with someone, and simply because this person is felix, because this sunshine in the form of a human being is the one making his heart skip a beat, because he is ready to sacrifice his own happiness in order to make the boy he loves happy, he’s not as scared of love.

he’s scared of felix leaving him as well, but he won’t voice his fears to the younger. 

 

* * *

 

he is all alone in the apartment, banned to stay in bed and recover from the cold he’s acquired from one han jisung, since the younger is too dumb to tell changbin  _ not _ to drink from his cup. 

changbin thinks he’s hallucinating when he hears  _ banging  _ on his door, one that doesn’t sound like hyunjin’s drunk knocks that usually attempt to recreate twice’s  _ knock knock.  _ this sounds exactly like something he buried deep inside, locking the sound, the memory so far, that changbin couldn’t even recognize it at first. 

it  _ can’t  _ be. there is  _ no  _ way. 

the banging doesn’t stop, and reluctantly, changbin stands up, heading to the door. each step makes his skin crawl, the bangs coming in time with them. it’s sickening, he’s terrified and feels like throwing up.

he opens the door, only to have his biggest nightmare awaiting for him on the other side. 

“why hello, son. d’ya miss me?” his breath is drowned in the smell of alcohol, making changbin feel sick to the stomach. 

“what are you doing here? how did you find me?  _ why  _ did you find me. you told me to never even look you in the eyes,” he spits out, but behind the venom there is fright. terror that the man in front of him, the one he used to call father, the one who taught him how to behave with a belt, instead of a caring hand. 

“i did no such thing, changbin, you know i love you,” he tries to push past changbin, to get inside and do god knows what.

he doesn’t budge, but tries to stop him. he may be drunk, but his father had always been stronger. “go away, dad. you have no right to be here, not after what you’ve done to me.”

“what have i done to ya, son? i’ve only ever given your sorry ass money, food, a place to stay. and what did you do? you-you turned into a gay. i would’ve accepted you if you were talented, smart, to hell, even handsome, but you’re none--” he takes a deep breath, calming down and then continues, with a sweeter tone of voice, “what i’m trying to say is, i love you, son. and i need your help.”

changbin can’t believe it. here he is, close to tears, since less than five minutes have made him relive his entire childhood and now the asshole wants his help? the brunet would rather choke than help him. 

“go away,” he says, voice cold, emotionless. 

“c’mon, kid, your pops has-- i have loan sharks on his tail! you want me to die?” he can see the desperation turn into anger, as his father’s hands form into fists by his side, his eyes growing dark. 

“i said, go away and  _ die. _ ” 

he closes his door before his father can react, locking it three times just to make sure nothing happens. the man outside his door curses loudly, fists starting to bang on the wooden surface again, this time more alert, angrier than before. 

tears escape him and slowly, changbin falls to the ground, back resting on the shaking door. it doesn’t even matter that it seems ready to give out, his own trembling body enough to make him forget. 

the banging stops after one more, this one right next to changbin’s back, as if the man had hit the door with his foot. it’s so powerful and deafening that it makes changbin jump away from the door, his heart beating fast in his chest. 

that’s how jisung and hyunjin find him, on the floor, too scared to stand up, in case his father could burst in and hurt him again. his friends don’t ask him what’s wrong, they know better than to make changbin go through it again, so they simply carry him to the couch, and cuddle him. sometimes, hyunjin would go and bring him more soup, other times, jisung would tell him about how he wants to adopt a new kitten. 

they try to take his mind off of it, and it works, for soon enough changbin manages to fall asleep, dried tears staining his cheeks, and the feeling of being alone, of being something that people hate, of not being good enough blooming once more in his heart.

 

* * *

 

felix walks into the flower shop with a bruised eye, a swollen lip, bloody knuckles, an equally messed up white shirt and a smile on his face. changbin is so close to passing out that he doesn’t even know how he truly reacted to it. he knows he there was screaming, which probably belonged to him, since  _ who the fuck dares touch his lixie _ , but besides that, he only comes back to his senses after having patched felix’s minimal wounds.

“what happened?” he asks.

felix chuckles, leaning into changbin’s hand. “i answered that question already, dummy.” when the elder doesn’t laugh alongside, he sighs, “i… got into a fight?”

“no shit, sherlock. with who? and why?”

felix doesn’t answer. he tries, however, to make changbin forget by pressing kisses on his neck, whispering about how much he missed the elder and how cruel his cousin has been for the last days. 

“felix.”

the young man fake cheeriness falters, a guilty, yet not really look taking its place on his face. “well… you see… it’s quite a funny story… and it’s long too, so i can’t tell it to you, oh well, how sad!”

changbin’s unimpressed look makes felix try to hide his own gaze. “i’m sorry, i shouldn’t push you if you don’t want to tell me, baby,” he says, everything about himself softening at the mere thought of making felix sad. 

“no, that’s childish of me… i’m sorry too, binnie. promise you won’t be mad, though?” the blond pouts at the elder. changbin knows this look way too well, but he’s long gone for felix, so it works, pulling on his heartstrings until he regrets even asking.

“oh, my god, felix, what did you do?”

“i may have kick your bullies’ ass? i mean no?” he frowns when changbin glares at him. “who would do that? not me?” he holds his hands up, his thumbs and forefingers touching so that they make two circles. “this one,” he raises his right hand, “represents the people who would do it; the other one,” he raises his left one this time, “is me. see how they don’t intersect? because i would never do that, haha…”

“why would you do that?”

“cause they hurt you! and why should they get away with it? it’s not like they did much damage to me, anyway. besides, i’d do anything to know you’re safe, binnie. you’re my everything and the idea of you being hurt, or in pain makes my blood boil to the point where--”

“where you would sacrifice your own happiness or better life for mine, right?” felix nods, not looking ashamed of it. and he shouldn’t, because, at the end of the day, changbin feels the exact same way, if not even stronger than the younger. 

changbin wants to kiss him. he can, but he’s too scared of hurting felix’s lip even more. the blond, as if reading his mind, leans in and slots their lips together, in a gentle, loving kiss. 

it’s perfect, as everything about felix is, and changbing wants to stay like this, in the younger’s arms, surrounded by flowers and light, forever. 

 

* * *

 

**babie lixie**

i have a match tmrw… wanna come?

**changbin**

i don’t know baby…

**babie lixie**

please (´；ω；`)

jiji and jinnie will be there!! minho-hyung too!!! 

you won’t be alone. and i really need my 

lucky charm in order to win, yknow?

**changbin**

you’re lucky ure cute.

**babie lixie**

i recall you saying once that im also… hot?

and that my deep voice made u… hmmm

what was it?

**changbin**

fuck u 

**babie lixie**

ah right! made you hard uwu

**changbin**

what time do i have to be there?

**babie lixie**

awww, binnie is embarrassed (*´︶｀*)

5:15

**changbin**

k

**babie lixie**

i love you (●♡∀♡))ヾ☆*。

**changbin**

ilyt i guess >:(

 

* * *

 

changbin arrives to the gym where felix practices late, but he still manages to catch the last part of the match. jisung pulls him by his side the moment he sees him, knowing about just how anxious the elder gets when in a crowd.

“he’s been kicking the guy’s ass! hyung, your boyfriend is  _ awesome _ !”

“i know he is,” changbin says, blushing slightly at the reminder that felix is  _ his boyfriend _ . his boyfriend, his lover, his significant other, is currently watching his opponent closely, analyzing each and every of his moves. 

changbin is captivated, he can’t look anywhere but at the totally different person in the ring. there is no way that his sunshine, his soft and pretty baby could look so dark. it’s unlike anything he’s ever seen. sure, he may have caught glimpses of it whenever felix got angry at the people hurting changbin, but it was never to this extent. 

it’s almost as if the person he is watching is the complete opposite of the felix he knows and loves. it’s different part, but he’s willing-- he  _ wants  _ to get to know this one as well. 

felix wipes some of the sweat from his forehead, but it does nothing, as more slides down his neck and even lower, on his toned abs and oh-- changbin is in some deep shit if he didn’t even notice felix is naked safe for the pair of shorts he’s wearing. 

there’s a smirk playing on the blond’s lips and a challenging look in his eyes. the referee tells them they can start again and then suddenly, he attacks, all fists and determination to win, no trace of the pretty boy in his wake. 

changbin pulls on his sleeves nervously, holding back a gasp when felix starts throwing punch after punch, his opponent clearly overwhelmed. felix is proclaimed as the winner before changbin can grasp what’s happening, the other man now lying down, clearly knocked out. 

jisung is yelling in his ear, hyunjin is doing the same in his other one, the rest of felix’s friends are all screaming and clapping and changbin doesn’t know what to do with himself. the gift he has for felix is in his bag, hopefully not withered, but he doesn’t know if it’s even something his boyfriend would want right now. 

he watches felix help his rival stand, congratulating him for the fight he put up. he makes sure that he can walk before finally coming over to the part of the ring where his friends are. felix may be wearing just the biggest smile changbin has ever seen as he pushes the two chords far from each other to step down from the ring and into crowd. 

people gather around the blond, clapping his back, telling him how now he is surely ready to face the nationals, praises and flowers and little gifts from his friends being passed to him, and changbin is left alone, fumbling with the zippers of his bag.

felix notices him, because he’s felix and he seems to only have eyes for changbin when they’re in the same room, and smiles. the younger wastes no time, he rushes into changbin’s arms, not giving a single shit that he’s sweaty and  _ naked  _ and that changbin is having an aneurysm right then and there. 

“did you like it? was i cool? did i make you hard?” changbin stays silent, because frankly, he has no idea what to say. yes, he did like it; yes, felix was cool, and  _ yes _ , he did make changbin hard, but admitting this, especially the last part, is too embarrassing, that the thought alone makes changbin’s cheeks flush red. 

“it was… wow,” he coughs nervously, pulling the gift out of his bag just slightly. “i, uh… i have something for you. i knew you’d win so i thought a winner deserves flowers but… everyone would give you bouquets so i… i made you this,” he tumbles over his words as he speaks and it’s so mortifying that he’s close to dropping the present too. he doesn’t look at felix’s reaction, but by the soft gasp, he’ll take it that the younger is either ready to punch him with his sweaty, bruised fist (which changbin would gladly accept) or kiss him (which, he’d be even happier with).

felix kisses him, holding onto the elder’s shoulder with one hand while the other grasps the flower crown in his hand. “put it on me?” he asks, eyes big and full of innocence. 

the flower crown is simple, red and white camellias, for  _ you are adorable  _ and  _ you are the fire in my heart _ , and a single full bloom rose, for  _ i love you _ , but on top of felix’s head it looks perfect, the only accessory that is worthy of the younger’s beauty. 

“is it cute?” he asks, pouting down at the elder as he pretends to pose. 

“it’s wonderful, lix, b-but all flowers are nothing next to you,” he stutters, for felix takes his hand in his small one and kisses his ring finger. 

“hm, i think it’s you who out-pretty the flowers, binnie.”

“can you two stop? we have to get to minho’s cafe or else he’ll lock the doors and not let us inside!” one of felix’s friends yells, making felix roll his eyes fondly. 

“you’re younger than me, jeongin, you shouldn’t yell around orders when i can probably bench press you.”

jeongin yells a few more curses at felix, but the younger simply ignores him and says to changbin, “i’ll go change and i’ll be quick, ok?”

“go before the kid burns you with his glare, lix.”

and so felix rushes, flower crown still on top of his head, and changbin already feels empty with the younger’s presence no longer near him. 

 

* * *

 

dolores jumps on him the moment she senses that he’s back in the cafe. she doesn’t even let him take his hand away from her, asking for pets until changbin can feel his hand being ready to fall off. 

the boys are talking loudly around him, some with cats in their laps, others human sized cats. he finds himself in both categories, with a drowsy felix in his arms, who is laughing at whatever joke his cousin is telling, and with a tired dolores resting her head on the human’s thigh. 

it’s blissful, so much so that changbin can die in this moment and he won’t notice. this may be the closest thing he’ll get to paradise, but he’s not worried about it. for as long as felix will let him hold him, kiss him, love him, changbin will be content. 

the sun is setting outside, but both changbin and felix are happy. 

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/cryystal_moon)   
>  [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/cryystal_moon)


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